In Quintessence

defender of those of dental extraction

2007-03-20T15:37:00.000-06:00

it's mighty moose to save the day

he chases criminals for blocks and leaves them at the mercy of the edmonton constabulary. get caught breaking into the neighbouring dentist's merc by the moose and you'll regret it. the guys who tried today found out what the signs 'beware of baited cars' really mean

movie still from slaughtermouse-one

2007-03-12T22:54:00.000-06:00

our dear sweet sparky has become a mouse terrorist. perhaps he just lost it when he noticed one mouse was starting to snap its fingers and call him garçon
(there - your subject is changed)

ps. note that this picture is a reenactment and no mice were harmed in the taking of this shot

So How Exactly Does This Thing Work?

2007-03-02T13:52:00.000-07:00

Note To Self: stock up on condoms.

Bee+Basset

2007-01-19T23:38:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year!

2007-02-18T23:15:00.000-07:00

They're Back.

2007-02-11T21:59:00.000-07:00

Edit 10:56 pm: And how 'bout them Dixie Chicks? Take that, Mr. President.

Dear KitchenAid:

2006-12-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

Do you possibly think that you could design a cooker that doesn't implode the first time you run the self-cleaning feature? Rather than being concerned with "captur(ing) the styling of appliances the professionals use" why not focus on "capturing the quality" instead.

Thanks.

xoxo
Mark

p.s. Thanks for the barbecued turkey recipes.

Burning Down The House

2006-12-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

As soon as all the doggies and bees were accounted for I paused for a brief second on my front porch and suddenly thought: “Is there anything I should grab from the house before the firefighters arrive?”

And then the most liberating thing happened.

"Fuck it" I muttered as I smiled a great big smile and marched down the steps, extinguisher in hand.

Nico

2006-11-08T10:56:00.000-07:00

April 23, 1995 - November 7, 2006

Hung out with little old ladies in pink dresses and the only thing to ever take a chunk out of the leg of Alex and get away with it. Canadian American Champion Curig LeftBank Moments Notice was one hell of frisbee player and one a heck of a doggie. He will be missed.

But It's Not Even Easter!

2006-10-29T23:29:00.000-07:00

how does a basset consume an entire baguette?

2006-10-02T11:23:00.000-06:00

the basset hound (see figure 1), is a dog short in legs but long in body. this physique is ideal for keeping the nose close to the ground whilst tracking. it is also good for height when the need arises to reach up to a counter. especially a counter that some fool has left a consumable upon.

compare its shape, now, to that of a baguette (figure 2). a baguette is also long and oval in shape. hmm... and if we overlap the two (figure 3)... ahh ha, it all becomes clear why a certain hound was not interested in her breakfast this morning.

And We Get To Handle All The Food Ourselves!

2006-09-14T15:39:00.000-06:00

Caribou, the dear, sent this link from yesterdays Edmonton Respectable.

Seems that the art of the paraphrase is alive and well at ye olde Journal...

a new way to solicit for my immortal soul?

2006-09-13T09:30:00.000-06:00

woe betide those who don't repay, as i've heard that god doesn't have her debts paid in money. and i bet the credit check is pretty thorough

this is what we really need, a reality theme park

2006-09-11T12:18:00.000-06:00

bansky's latest

today in history

2006-09-11T11:24:00.000-06:00

1906
Mahatma Gandhi starts Non-Violence movement

Be Sure To Check Out...

2006-09-06T11:13:00.000-06:00

...my new line of Magic Bingo Cards!

if looks could kill

2006-09-04T00:05:00.000-06:00

first you put a stupid bow on me and then you want me to smile for a picture. i don't think so

Laces Tied In Knots

2006-08-28T19:17:00.000-06:00

My left shoe has just returned from a lovely trip to the mountains and brought back some delightful pictures from it's adventures...

Checking in at the Banff Springs Hotel

The view overlooking Bow Falls

Relaxing in the lounge

Riding the Banff Gondola

Looking down on Banff from Sulphur Mountain

Taking in the breathtaking beauty of Lake Louise

Cool chillin' at the Columbia Icefields

Watching nasty German tourists fall to their deaths at picturesque Athabasca Falls

Hanging with J-Bear

Waiting for tee time at the JPL

IKEA fits...

2006-08-29T11:51:00.000-06:00

...but perhaps not in all cases.

On August 26 At 11am...

2006-08-25T01:31:00.000-06:00

...a moose and a bee will meet in the woods and make a pact. and all will be right with the world.

If You Cook The Scallops In A Non-stick Pan, They Won't Stick. That's Why It's Called Fucking Non-stick!

2006-08-24T01:03:00.000-06:00

Five days. Seventy-five hours. Eighty-four eggs. Eighteen cups of coffee. Sixteen glasses of assorted wine. Twelve very sharp knives. Ten ounces of truffle oil. Eight reductions. Two litres of champagne sorbet. One second degree burn. A pinch of saffron.

I am the Prince of the Mise en Place. I am the Flambé King.

hell's kitchen

2006-08-15T11:50:00.000-06:00

after much anticipation, having started off with an interesting group of aspiring chefs – and after many displays of culinary expertise, much slaving away in a hot kitchen, and being ordered about by a man in a tall white hat – there could only be one person standing. and it wasn't mark!

after his first day at culinary boot camp he clapped out on the sofa, apparently too tired to even blog. well, still four days to go...

The Revenge of the Roomba

2006-08-13T12:56:00.000-06:00

Denise the Roomba is adept at a good many things: sweeping floors, terrorizing inquisitive canine pals, and entertaining guests with her witty repartee. What she is not quite so good at: vacuuming couches - which is the precise reason I ventured out early this morning to purchase a new "Type Y" vacuum bag for my old friend Harry Hoover.

Well why the fuck hasn't anyone told me that vacuums don't use bags anymore? When I asked in which aisle the aforementioned bags were kept, the woman at Generic Grocery #1 responded with a bemused snicker. The man from Hardware Despot simply rolled his eyes. And the 20-something at Generic Grocery #2 indicated she had no fucking idea about what the hell it was that I was talking about with an ever-eloquent "Huh?". Not a fucking clue. How about dial telephones? Full service gas stations? Milk delivery? Nope. Not even a fucking glimmer of recognition.

It now seems that my perfectly good and much beloved vacuum of 10 years is about to be relegated to the rubbish tip next to my Betamax, Motorola CinderBlock® cell phone, and assorted personal computing devices that had outlived their collective two year life expectancies.

Fucking dust bunnies.

Next Week:
The Epicurean Battle begins.

2006-08-04T23:24:00.000-06:00

Take On Me Rebel Yell!

2006-08-04T22:22:00.000-06:00

After finally fessing up that she was, in fact, a cross-dressing Morten Harket from A-ha, the ever-effervescent Bee decided to drop his/her next bombshell...